Stephen Victor

Beyond Loss

My wife left her body two years ago this month. Four days before her birthday. Nine before our anniversary. Twenty-one after our denial shattered. Cancer.

“For the soul to thrive, sometimes the heart has to be broken.” —Elif Shafak

“The future isn’t what it used to be.” —Arthur C. Clarke

As for my soul, I will not say. Heartbreak? Yes. Clarke’s observation? Yes.

Three others and I watched as the ‘tail of the kite’ left Valerie’s body. The blindingly bright invisible light of a myriad non-human people’s pure compassion received Valerie. Instantly she explosively erupted — expanding into JOY — blurting “I am free!”

Love’s presence. Here now. So full. Yet utterly annihilating for who I believed myself to be.

Then they were off. I followed. Blips on a radar screen. Presenting each hour for 24. Then once each morning — for days. Then but a vapor trail revealing their directional arc.

At three days, Awareness informed me to return. I did.

I use the phrase ‘tail of the kite’ as it describes what I last saw leaving. I had watched more and more of her — non-ordinary ‘invisible’ constituencies of whatever-it-is-she-really-is — aspects organized in and around her physical body — leaving Earth’s realm her final days.

Valerie’s favorite body of work was Andean Mysticism. Through the years she and I learned from and worked with the esteemed Peruvian mestizo Juan Victor Nunez Del Prado, keeper of this ancient spiritual tradition — and his son Ivan — and the Q’ero.

Andean prophecy holds “There will be a time when Condor of the South flies with Eagle of the North.” Condor = heart. Eagle, head. In service — together — to Cosmos, Earth, Nature, Humanity.

Following Valerie’s joyful exuberant burst into freedom, others in the room and I watched — literally saw — Condor and Eagle flying together in tribute to her for furthering the prophesy’s fulfillment.

Once this moment passed, one of the women announced she and the others would give me a few minutes with Val’s body. I needed no time for I saw no trace of her remaining.

To what end I write this?

Death is not what we have been taught. It is something wholly Other.

Body and the nature of our collective human psyche are programmed to fear death. Ego is party to this. Yet, the what-we-are distinct from the human bits — does not fear. I invite you to rouse your curiosity.

I can tell you ’Till death do us part’ — it ain’t so! Ain’t for emphasis! Togetherness beyond ‘death’ does endure.

Until recently I knew little of death’s loss. As a child my favorite person was my grandpa.
He left when I was nine. Has since showed up when needed.

A colleague nipped in a few times.

My dad, twice — letting me know he and I are good. Difficulties dissolved.

My flight instructor, yes!

Valerie and I have not parted. Our relationship changed. She no longer sports a human persona. She and I interact daily. Soon after leaving, she turned up each night. Early early each morning we sat together much as we had done before she took her leave.

Valerie and my non-human people showed me round her precincts. I am heartened for mystical training: Andean, Hellinger — Sente Energetics. I See now.

I invite you to allow curiosity to come to the fore. I invite you to change default setting from fear to genuine Awareness. I grant you permission, entitlement.

“Everything you love is likely to be lost, but in the end, love will return in a different way.” —Kafka

It has. I now love completely.

COVID and polemical politics bring more and more deaths. Stay close to what-you-are. The one distinct from identities, personas, personality, ego, thoughts.

  • Sketch of Condor and Eagle by David Zeno Thanes


Photo: Stephen Victor
I heard a short story, whether real or apocryphal who knows. It went like this: A woman whose circumstance and those of

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